Jokes

Yeh....since life is so dull, so boring....lets put on some jokes to lighten up the day!!!

Man comes home, finds his wife with his friend in bed.
He shoots his friend to death.
Wife says "If you behave like this, you will lose ALL your friends".
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Small Boy wrote to Santa Claus, "send me a brother"
Santa wrote back, "SEND ME YOUR MOTHER"
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What is the definition of Mistress?
Someone between the Mister and Mattress
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Husband asks. "Do u know the meaning of WIFE??
"Without Information Fighting Everytime"
Wife replies, "No, it means,
"With Idiot For Ever!!!"
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Three Feelings:
What's the difference between stress, tension and panic?
Stress is when wife is pregnant
Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant, and
Panic is when maid is pregnant!!!
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Teacher: U know the importance of period?
Kid: Ya, once my sister said she has missed one, my mom fainted, dad got heart attack & our driver ran away.
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Why did they stop printing Pamela Anderson stamps in the U.S.?
B'coz people started licking the wrong side.
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Women asked man who is travelling with six children, all these kids are urs??
No. I work in a condom factory and these are customer complaints.
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Two men met while both were looking for their lost wives.
1st: How urs look like?
2nd: She is 5"7, 36-24-36, Fair, Black eyes. What abt urs?
1st: Forget mine. Lets find urs!!

Job Positions Meanings~~~~~

今天临下班时收到了Lily寄来这有趣的电邮。:D

主席 ～主要工作是休息。

总裁 ～ 总是到处去裁员。

老板 ～ 老是板起脸孔。

经理 ～ 经常无所事事到处修理人。

员工 ～ 原来只有我在做工！

Laughing.....

Positions in the house
Gua: In my house, my wife is the minister of home affairs
Lu: That's nothing! My wife has been the speaker of the house for the past twenty years.

The interviewer examined the job applicant, then turned to the prospective employee.
"I see you have put ASAP down for the date you are available to start, meaning "As Soon As Possbile" of course.
However, I see you've put AMAP down for expected salary. I don't believe I've seen that before. What does it mean?
The applicant replies, "As Much As Possible!"

Round Trip Ticket
Traveller: I'd like a round trip ticket to Pulau Pangkor
Sales girl: I'm sorry, all our tickets are rectangular.

Season in the year
Teacher: How many seasons are there in the year?
Student: Two, Cikgu
Teacher: What are they?
Student: Rambutan season and durian season

Clean Mind
Question: Whose mind is cleaner? A man's mind or a woman's mind?
Answer: A woman's mind is cleaner because she changes it all the time.